Characteristics of Codependency

The following questions may help you determine if you are suffering from codependency.

Compare these statements with your experience. (This is not a scored test.)

• My good feelings about who I am stem from:
  • being liked by you
  • receiving approval from you.
• Your struggles affect my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems or relieving your pain.
• My mental attention is focused on:
  • pleasing you
  • protecting you
  • manipulating you “to do it my way”
• My self esteem is bolstered by:
  • solving your problems
  • relieving your pain
• My own hobbies and interests are put aside. My time is spent sharing your hobbies and interests.
• Your clothing and personal appearance is dictated by my desires as I feel you are a reflection of me.
• Your behavior is dictated by my desire as I feel you are a reflection of me.
• I am not aware of how I feel; I am not aware of how you feel. I am not aware of what I want; I ask you what you want. If I am not aware, I assume.
• The dreams I have for my future are linked to you.
• My fear of:
  • rejection determines what I say or do
  • your anger determines what I say or do
• I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship.
• My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you.
  My values I put aside in order to connect with you.
• Your opinion and way of doing things I value more than my own.
• The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours.
  

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