Successful relationships are one of the biggest challenges many of us face. Often I hear people say that they are doing well in most areas of their life but that their relationship with a significant other—spouse, partner, boyfriend, girlfriend—is not what they had hoped for.

Expectations of a love relationship are very high in our society and our corresponding level of skills to create and maintain one is low. There are no classes as we grow up that explain how to have a successful relationship. Unfortunately, commitment alone, does not guarantee we will know how to deal with the inevitable issues of an ongoing relationship.

When romantic infatuation ends, as it always does, a struggle often begins to maintain connection and communication. Often what each person does, consciously or unconsciously to protect and take care of themselves is exactly the wrong thing to do with the other person. Because of this lack of skill and understanding, relationships often deteriorate and become a roommate relationship or a source of continual conflict, or result in separation or divorce.

We now benefit from many recent discoveries about what makes relationships work and what skills are needed to shape and maintain them. Research says we can learn relationship skills, even if we have experienced many years of struggle. We can find more meaningful ways to connect and resolve problems.

[more]